Write From your heart.

Okay.

I was rejected a lot growing up. 

I didn’t do anything wrong, I was just different. 

I woke up from a dream this night with a sadness in my heart.

My childhood best friend had gotten married and served a dish there was not enough for me. I looked up to the room and silently walked out the door. This was often the case in my friendships.

I was rejected a lot growing up and I didn’t understand it. I was born in Germany and moved to Taiwan and then to America. The rejections were quiet and lethal.

I always loved people with a pure and open heart. I didn’t have an agenda. I just wanted to be loved in return, but often then not, I was ridiculed for my difference. I was different, yes.

When I made best friends, they often became part of a group I introduced them to and quietly, lethally, they would leave me.

It felt like an awful, repetitive nightmare. 

This pain took root and out of self protection I had to be numb. There was no way I could possibly FEEL everything. In fact, I didn’t think I still felt pain until I had the dream. 

So because I was so different, and it was too hard to communicate how different I was, I decided to block people out by not explaining.

Because explaining took too much effort when my heart was grieving. 

Some of these people realized I’d never fit in and it was better that they walk out and fit in then be associated with me. 

I always wondered, God what did I do wrong, why am I so different? I don’t deserve this.

But in the midst of the pain, I felt His heart beat and it was for me. Those nights I cried in my blanket, He said “I am for you”.

I didn’t understand the reason for why I was so different, but eventually I would own and embrace my difference.

“You were made to be different, I never wanted you to fit in.”