The Let Down

He was sparkly and handsome, but he was not my husband.

He is not my husband.

Great at communication, but neither a Christian. I just want this to be it! If this is it I won’t be disappointed.

But of course, the disappointment comes, the heartache comes. You miss what seemed familiar. You made someone familiar. Someone to hold onto, but again, the let down.

You felt loved in the moment, you felt accepted, wanted.

But now, it’s gone.

The feelings of pain arise.

“Now I don’t feel wanted” and that feeling of abandonment comes like a wave.

What is coming up for you?

Feelings of disappointment, abandonment, fear of loss, self-worth, rejection?

When I have to “let down” someone, I am also in pain. Because I know how it feels to be rejected. I was ecstatic, I was excited, the romanticism of the whole thing was great. But reality hits and you realize that he/she wanted a momentary bliss, not the long term thing. Or maybe you wanted a long term thing but you knew deep down he wasn’t the one. Or maybe he just wanted something casual.

Even if that person is honest from the beginning, the attraction can still be there and your heart doesn’t want to resist those emotions. Your heart wants what it wants.

How do I feel?

I feel let down. I feel angry. I feel disappointed. I wanted all the emotions of bliss but none of the pain. I tend to romanticize people. I think they’ll always be on my side and when they are not, I feel betrayed. I thought I was safe, but they blocked me, someone did, a few people did. I felt abandoned when that happened. Someone cussed at me for no reason.

Someone called me overbearing today, that hurt.

“Why don’t you just say something then if you think I’m overbearing. If you don’t want to do something, just say so. How is it my fault”.

Feelings are hurt. Things happen. You’re not perfect. You’re just being you but being you is “overbearing”. It makes me scared to be friends with anyone, or to be in relationship with people.

I’ve been called too much. Whatever fault people find in me, it makes me want to hide in a cave.

But there is someone who will appreciate you. Because you were made for a purpose. How you feel is how you feel and your emotions matter, so do theirs. Communicate how you feel.

He may not be the one but someone better is coming.

But it still hurts that he isn’t the one. Because you just wanted someone to rely on, someone to talk to, someone to lean on but again, let God mend your heart.

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