I Don’t Find Fault In You

I just woke up from a dream where I kept looking at my face and there was a layer of fat around my face, a line of red around my face. I kept staring at it and trying to make it go away. I was focused on it. I had put on a covid mask before and there was acne where the mask was before.

When I woke up I realized I needed to write about it.

I hear God say “I don’t find fault in you”.

Recently I was hanging out with a friend that said he needed to run and go to the gym a lot. He said he needed to lose weight, stay fit. I could tell that he wanted to stay in shape but he said that for some reason it didn’t really work.

I told him he didn’t need to be so paranoid. He was good enough.

But to be honest, I’m pretty observant. I do notice that I notice fat in others but also myself. Someone commented that I’m so fit and so in shape but the truth is I’ve gained weight and I’m not in shape the way I was before.

I used to teach yoga and had a 4 pac.

But after I stopped teaching my muscles became fat.

I maintained a new theory on exercise. You should only do what you want to. If you want to dance, you should dance. You should run if you want to, not because you want to maintain fit. You should do things out of desire.

“I don’t find fault in you. You are perfect because of Jesus’ sacrifice. You don’t need extra. You are enough. You are enough”.

My mom criticizes me a lot. She’ll tell me not to eat something. She says I’m gaining weight. She finds fault in me constantly. When she does it makes me want to get a starbucks frappucno, it makes me want to eat chocolate and a chocolate smoothie. It has the opposite effect.

My heart hurts and I want to indulge even more.

Because I don’t feel like I’m good enough. And then I feel worse.

But I hear the Lord say “YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE BLAMELESS IN MY EYES BECAUSE OF MY SACRIFICE” YOU ARE PURE AND BLAMELESS.

The other day my mom left her key in her car with the engine running and she went “I never do that”.

I laughed. Thank God. Because for some reason I lost my keys a few times the last few months and she yelled at me for it. She asked me why I was so careless. So when she did that I was happy because God was showing her that she is not perfect.

Do you constantly find fault in yourself? YOU ARE PURE IN God’s EYES. Nothing is ever good enough for my mom. I tried my whole life to be perfect but I realize it’s tiring. I am already perfect because of Jesus’ sacrifice, not because of my own works and to prove that, I just need to pint to the cross, not to my own works.

If people accuse me of being a fake Christian, instead of trying to prove myself, my answer should really be “A real Christian is saved by grace, not by works. So it’s not dependent on their right doings. I don’t boast in anything I do right”.

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