Codependent Love

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I don’t like this process. I hate it.

One minute I am in la la land, one minute I am having to turn someone down and break their hearts. Oh, relationships are complicated and complex. Humans are complex.

How about I just get to the end of this process.

Life would be easier.

Or would it?

Would simply meeting my husband make my life easier?

Probably not, that comes with more complex things.

“It’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong”

“hurting people feels like a bitch”- me

“You are not responsible for peoples’ happiness, I am, I am the one that holds peoples’ hearts, I am the one who protects them, not even people can protect their own hearts. Self-protection is not what I want, I want people to surrender to me so I can do a work in their heart”

“I want to make things better”- me

“You cannot”- God

“I wish I never met some of these people, maybe that’ll make life easier”- me

“there is too much pain in this world”- me

“I have overcome this world, I have already conquered the pain for you”

“I want to crawl into a hole and not talk to people again”

“Don’t do that, come out everyday, make a choice to trust me”-God

“Maybe I don’t trust you right now”

“Trust me”- God

Yesterday I met a homeless guy who said his dad wants nothing to do with him. It really hurt my heart but I am learning to release problems to God. God I pray for everyone I talk to and minister to that you may help them Lord, open their hearts to love and open my heart to love. Help me not to close my heart to love in Jesus name. Amen.

I always thought relationships were tiresome or burdensome because I didn’t grow up with healthy examples of interdependent relationships. If someone was upset or angry, I felt responsible for making them feel better. I had to learn to release their problems to God and not carry them on my shoulders.

I am not responsible for peoples’ pain or for making them feel better.

Pray for me to continually release peoples’ burdens to God.

Sow a seed-

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