“Hi Dad, I wanted to write you. I deleted line by accident when I came back and had no way to contact you. I often feel like we stop talking to each other when I come back to America, it’s like we don’t even know each other. It grieves my heart.
As much as I don’t want to feel like this, I feel like I’m often waiting for you to reply. In this way, I feel like I’m waiting for things to happen in my life. I try to make things happen as soon as possible but then God will tell me to let go of control. I’m angry that you don’t write me, it really makes me angry and sad.
I’m angry that you don’t tell me how you feel.
I know you are stressed out but because I want a relationship with you, I feel like I am trying as much as I can, but it’s always been a one way street.
Every time we get close, I leave and we no longer talk to each other. I feel like I’m back at square one.”
Today God had me approach a guy at the Korean spa. I was wondering where God wanted me to go and He told me to go to the sauna. He told me to eat with him but I didn’t want to. Later he came to comment on my food and I said I liked his hair. I said “do you want to sit with me?”
He said “no, I have a headache”.
I said “I can pray for you”, reaching out to touch his head. He said “no, it’s okay but you can pray for me from there”.
Later on, I saw him sitting near me so God told me “go sit with him” (I fought God for a few minutes) and I brought my food over, sitting right in front of him. I said “I heard God say ‘love isn’t afraid of rejection'”.
He frowned and said “Then don’t be afraid. I really want to be alone” and moved to a table far from mine.
Later on, I approached him even though I really wanted to run. I mean it’s embarrassing to be rejected right? By a stranger?
I said “I’m sorry I crossed your boundaries but you seemed like a cool person. God bless you”. He said “it’s okay”.
I felt sad that I had the answer to heal his headache and to give him a word from God but He was not willing to receive it. I’m pretty sure he was gay too, so he probably had been rejected by a lot of people in his lifetime.
God said to me “look at all those people eating alone, afraid to let people into their hearts”.
Love isn’t afraid of rejection. It will reach out and be rejected, but it will keep trying. After that I felt really tired and felt mad that God made me do that so I knocked out for about 2-3 hours to my surprise. I heard him say “let go of control”.
I cannot control if my dad will ever contact me again. The one time he actually replied in 7 months (of messaging him) was when I said “tomorrow I’m landing at 9am, make sure to pick me up”.
He said he was stressed and busy with life.
What do you prioritize? Do you prioritize your work, money, ministry or the people you value in your life? Do you prioritize yourself, your well being?
Sometimes we think we need to be alone, but actually that’s a disguise for not letting people in. And we need to be loved to survive and thrive in this world. I used to feel burdened by people because I was unable to voice my opinions and needs in a relationship but I’m starting to see that those who are willing to listen and not be offended are true friends.
I let people step on me in my earlier life and when I finally voiced my opinions it backfired. Apparently, they only liked me when I fit their description and expectation of who I should be.
I can’t rush to change people. I can’t rush to restore everything in one day. I lost a lot in the last few years, things I’m trying to recover but God showed me when it’s time, He will do it. He led me to speak at an open mic without my knowledge, He gave me a new friend via instagram, He brought me to a concert to minister to the youth.
I have to trust God’s timing and not rush it. God I’ll let go of control. Are you willing to?
Rejection isn’t a sign of YOUR WORTH. Rejection is simply a process of life. You will be rejected by jobs, opportunities, people, but you will need to stand on the firm foundation of Jesus and know that you are ACCEPTED AND LOVED BY GOD.
Love isn’t afraid of rejection. I heard God say “I am not afraid of rejection”.
This morning God also told me to give and then ask for donations so I did. However, everyone said no except the one girl I donated to and she sowed some money back to me as the Lord asked me to ask her to do. When I did that I realized that fear of men left me. The last few days I started to fear people’s opinions for some reason. I was telling someone about Jesus and her face contorted, as in she was offended.
It was on the uber ride home that I met an ex-jehovah witness who gave me $10, which is a lot considering the ride was $14. I was really surprised because most people said no but he actually gave.
You never know who will say yes and today’s lesson is that you cannot be afraid of rejection. You cannot be afraid of what people think.
I don’t take “no’s” personally anymore but I know that sometimes giving and receiving is a sign of an open heart and today Peter had an open heart. His mother passed away 10 years ago. And he gave $10. Wow. I just realized that.
God may you heal his heart and open his heart to your love.
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