The new season is here! I hear God say!
Yesterday God had me watch this Thai movie called we belong together. It is about two friends who separate due to one moving on to another country. Spoiler alert, one friend goes through the grieving process of someone’s death and you experience her numbness and pain throughout.
The pain is so uncomfortable as the director or writer seems to draw out uncomfortable moments to relay the main character’s pain.
It’s drawn out for so long that only at the end when the main character leaves that you realize maybe she wasn’t the main character after all.
The friend left behind starts biking and the song changes from a slow song to a fast happy one.
Then this night I have a dream where my ex best friend from when I was a child died but I didn’t even care, like I didn’t grieve.
The mutual friend of this ex best friend gathered with me and started talking about collaborating.
These new friends were chefs and I said “I’m thinking of reviving the foodie part of my blog. I can eat your food and creations and I’ll blog about it. I want healthy food that is not bland! You know, rich with flavor!”
There are so many meanings behind this but I feel like what died is no more, move forward as new opportunities and doors are arising in your life.
The last few days God has been highlighting the word “dream” and showing me again the desires of my heart.
The first day in Bangkok I have no idea where to stay and I hear the name of the hostel I stayed at once, but there is major “spiritual warfare”.
I realize, it’s because I feel lack. A spirit of lack was attacking me and I have a dream about dating this frugal man. I paid for 3 nights but only ended up staying one night. I didn’t understand why God would have me book 3 nights but only stay 1, but I knew He was saying “move on. You don’t have to stay”.
This was symbolic of moving from the past and what you’re comfortable with. Some of you have lived frugal and barren lives and God is asking you to think big and trust Him!
I’m led the second day to a hotel and I think to myself “God how are you going to provide, this is above the range I thought I’d spend”.
But this night while I’m going back to my room, I notice there are people lining up at a club in front of the hotel.
I’m so excited! I start skipping! I can’t believe I’m skipping! When is the last time I felt excitement??? My heart has felt so numb from grief I haven’t felt joy in a long time.
I enter the club and immediately meet 2 girls, I introduce myself to them. We dance for 3 hours and I actually laugh. When was the last time I laughed?
This one girl dances near the stage but is given a warning by the security guard. I want to dance on stage so bad but I know I’ll get thrown out.
The 3rd day I stay at an Airbnb and have a hard time getting in but the owner’s dad comes to greet me, he is a chinese man.
He first shows me a bigger room, then realizes he got the room number wrong and shows me the one I booked….it’s a smaller studio.
The room smells like smoke and it’s near the elevator.
I’m disappointed. It’s not what I want. I often had conversations with God that sound like this “God what should I do? Should I change rooms?”
Usually He doesn’t reply. He wants me to follow my heart. I’ve had conversations like this where I don’t follow my heart and end up regretting why I didn’t pay a few more dollars for what I want.
I’m so tired. I don’t know why. I try to figure out why I’m tired from not getting what I want but decide to eat first.
I return and message the owner’s dad. I ask to see the room and it is all pink. The color of my heart when it’s in love.
I want it! I’ll pay a bit more for what I want. I’m happy.
I got what I want!!!
I actually got what I want.
So the next day I have a dream that I’m talking to a guy I like and telling him how I feel. Another ex best friend who dated my ex (in real life) and didn’t tell me appears in the dream.
Betrayal. That’s what happened.
I often felt that I didn’t get what I want and people often took away what I had, even if I didn’t want it to begin with.
Then God started to tell me how I feel neglected by Him because my dad neglected me. Because of growing up this way, I never got what I wanted from my dad….or maybe that I never got what I wanted-which was a human father.
And that marked my experiences of never getting what I want and feeling like I’ll never get what I want.
God’s like that won’t be your experience anymore. You will get what you want.
I started to pray big prayers!
“God restore unto me the years the locust have eaten away! Bless me Lord! Honor me! Bring people that will encourage me! I’m not throwing pearls to pigs anymore!”
My last day in LA was grievous. I sat silently as my mother yelled at me. I cried tears of pain as lay down to sleep on my last night in LA. I’m never coming back here.
I’m never coming back to dishonor.
I’m never coming back to lack.
I’m never coming back to being misunderstood.
I will have people that honor me in life. I will have friends that encourage me. I will not take on false responsibilities and I will grab the promises of God now!
Your new beginning is here! What is dead is dead. Now new hope and courage will fill your heart with dreams. God desires to give you your dreams!
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