Why I Left Everything To Follow Jesus

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Where do I even begin?

When I was young, I wanted to be a missionary but I didn’t want to live in a hut.

Slowly I started to believe a lie that I had to be successful in the world to be influential (or a light). I started pursuing my “dreams” and “goals” to be this successful and independent career woman. I was going to write books and speak around the world. I believe I am still going to do those things…however, my motive wasn’t right.

My motive wasn’t right because I didn’t believe that I was enough. 

I grew up with a single mom, didn’t see my dad for 10 years and grew up with a cloud of abandonment and rejection over my head.

God started to heal me. This road was long and strenuous.

I basically ran my own road thinking it was God’s. I ran myself dry. I was in a drought. I was still following God, but I wanted to do it my way.

The truth is I was running away. I was in pain, but I couldn’t face the pain of healing.

I went from running my own business to backpacking in Europe for 2 months, on my last leg of the journey I woke up from a dream where the Lord specifically told me to quit my career. When I went back all the finances dried up and the Lord told me to sell everything and follow Him. I was late on rent and my family was accusing me of living an irresponsible life.

So there I was laying at my friend’s house. God said “at 3pm you will know where to move”. Well, my mom had already offered up her place. The idea of living in a studio with my mother (who I have clashing personalities) did not seem like such a good idea.

But that’s exactly where God wanted me to be. And I surrendered. 

He wanted me to go through the grueling healing process of reconciling with my mother. I proceeded to spend 2 years living with her. During this time God also told me that I was a pastor to the lost sheep and that I was not to pursue any work opportunities. 

Imagine, you are almost 30 and the Lord tells you to rest.

All of society would be criticizing you, wouldn’t they?

Well, I went through the test of accusations left and right, until the point I knew who I was.

“I am a daughter of God and I am righteous in His eyes, I am approved by Him and not by men or women. I stand firm in this identity, Jesus paid the price for me”. 

After 2 years, the Lord said “it’s time to go”.

I packed my bags and went. I thought I would stay in Taiwan for a year, but the Lord actually wanted me to gather the lost sheep in different corners of the world. I went from no energy to praying for strangers on the street everyday. I went from timid to bold. I went from fearing to being fearless.

I went from needing recognition to simply being unknown. 

I wanted the spotlight but then I found identity in being loved by God. God led me through different industries like acting and real estate to show me that my worth couldn’t be found in any of that. 

Now, I spend days pursuing lost sheep. I ask to pray for people who laugh at me and reject me. I pursue sheep that avoid me because they know I will speak the truth to them. I climb mountains and dive deep to find the ones who have been wounded by religion or the church, I find those that are not believers in Jesus and I tell them Jesus loves them.

There are days I can’t stand the persecution, the pain, the rejection, the weariness, the attacks of the enemy and I’ll just cry to Jesus.

But I do it because Jesus changed me, He healed my heart of brokenness and He loves me.

Sow A Seed- Thank You!

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