I feel like it is time to share my story with the world. I feel like I have been two persons for a long time and yes have had to dissect my life into two parts.
I grew up as a loner, but always felt the spirit of God with me. I grew up going to church and was indoctrinated to believe in rules and regulations. At the age of 12 I came alive and felt the true unconditional, unbounded love of God.
I felt Gods presence and love so strongly, the type of love that forgives and accepts all of who you are, even the things you think are shameful.
At a very young age I also decided to wait for marriage to have sex because I decided that God was worth trusting and my body more than a physical being. Now, in our society we are taught that if you wait you must be really ugly or unwanted, that you’re an outcast or weird.
We are also taught that the more the better for everything.
We indulge and consume everything to social media, drugs, sex- but most of us numb inside.
Even as I write I wonder if I’m sharing too much, but I’m tired of being ashamed of who I am.
Now does that mean I don’t interact with boys I like or date? No, I do, but I have limits.
Also I am a highly sexual person. But the spirit inside of me controls the physical part of me. I am more than a physical being.
It makes life easier for me too. No need for birth control, messing up my hormones. No need for intense heartbreaks because it is easier to part with people without intense emotional attachments.
I don’t judge people for their decisions and I also expect people not to judge me, but often times when I tell people they think I’m lying, they say I’m too attractive to wait, they think I must be lesbian, they think I’m weird, etc.
But I like to break stereotypes.
And I also like to break the stereotype of Americans, we are not all loud and obnoxious.
I like to break the stereotype of people who have faith in a God, not all believe that God is a man upstairs judging us, in fact I believe god is in and through everything, I talk and commune with God everyday- in my dreams, awake, spirit helps me process my feelings, emotions, and being.
I respect people for who they are and what they believe and if they have questions about my way of life, they ask me.
I’m not ashamed of my sexual desires nor am I ashamed of the fact that I’m waiting for the love of my life.
I am both physical and spiritual.
And I’m not ashamed that I’m a dichotomy, but I’m both spirit and human. And that’s the beauty of life.