Category Archives: God

Free Speech- My Vulva, My Clit

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Finding Femininity

I stared down at my down there, it was big, pulsing, covered with remains of selfish love.
It held power, love, femininity and spoke of womanhood.
I’m a woman and I’m beautiful.
As I stared at the two friends, flaps of grace and beauty, chilling side by side,
I knew that I had arrived, at the point of embracing that I am beautiful.
No more, no more wearing tight jeans that tortured my vulva.
No more, no more wearing things that suffocate my beloved.
I’m letting go, letting my queen reign.
I’m letting go of societal expectations, my vulva, my clitoris want to breathe!

http://twitter.com/rebekka_lien 

Just a snippet of the book to come!

 

Baby Love

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“I’ve never felt more peace now that I have so little in the bank account, more peace than when I had money saved!”- I said.

My last day of work was July 29th, today is September 8. It’s been more than a month since I last worked. Miraculously I still have enough thanks for all those that helped me with my trip. But I’ve never been happier!!!

The past month, I learned Baby Love. I learned how to be loved as a helpless baby. God has shown his faithful providence and protection over me. I’ve seen Jesus as superman caring and carrying me through the tough times. Now that I’ve let go of all earthly security, I’ve never had more peace in my life. As a child of God, God takes care of you and you need not worry.

“better the little that the righteous have than the wealth of many wicked; for the power of the wicked will be broken, but the Lord upholds the righteous”- psalm 37:39 (righteous by faith in Jesus Christ, not by works)

My landlady’s baby!

How God Provides!

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Exactly 18 days ago, I sent out a fundraising letter on email and on Facebook.

I didn’t know how God would work, but God worked in ways I still find hard to believe. Yet, I had faith and it was that little mustard seed faith that God honored!

The first person who donated lived in England, the second was a Tumblr/Twitter Follower that I never met, the third was someone I totally didn’t expect to give, the fourth was someone I hadn’t talked to in years….so on and so forth.

The whole week before I was gripped with anxiety and fear, it was not from the Lord, but God had me experience that because it was kind of like withdrawal from “Earthly Security”. I didn’t know how I would pay rent for the 2 months that I was gone- since it’s September and October, half of on each month. I had already been unemployed for a month and was learning the meaning of “being” and “resting” with God. My roommate said that I was so at peace compared to when I used to work full time. I was able to laugh and smile again.

One night I broke down and felt God’s immense LOVE, I saw myself with wings, stepping on rainbows, and spewing colors that I’ve never seen. People looked up at me in awe and the blind were healed. I felt God’s love like I never before, in a fetal position, I surrendered.

Several moments and divine encounters built my faith that week.

Exactly a week before I leave, my good friend gives me a check amounting to my rent! Praise God!!! The angels truly spoke to people and how God is gracious to us! I so honor those that gave and their obedience to the Lord. I know that it is not in vain- that you will be rewarded 10 fold because God sees your generosity!
I was piecing together the cash I had to pay rent for October and was lacking 40 bucks or so. I prayed, “God today provide”. At the prayer meeting, my friend gave me a gift and inside was a check for 50 bucks. God is so GOOD!

It was at the end of my prayer meeting that my friend left. However, he came storming back, knocking on the door. He said he had previously been trying to find an offering he had lost and determined that he would give it to me if he found it. He looked in his bible before he came but it wasn’t there. When he went back to his car, Jesus had put the envelope back in the bible!!!

Furthermore, God provided in small ways that I can’t even begin to thank Him!!! My friend gave me a bunch of random household stuff that she thought I wouldn’t need. But I totally did need them- simple things like liquid hand soap. In order to save money, we were using old school hand soap. Everytime I used that bar soap, I thought, a liquid hand soap would be nice. God hears my thoughts! Other things that He provided through people were toothpaste, face wash, etc. Things that were so simple, yet showed God’s detailed planning in our lives. He hears our little thoughts and lavishly blesses us because He loves us.

That’s what I’ve been learning- God is a lavish lover, a lavish blesser who honors our little faith.
I am so blessed.

I really feel like God is calling me to be healed and to be a healer. God is putting ex-prostitutes on my heart. He is also putting in my heart a desire to speak life into someone’s soul and to restore what Satan has destroyed- our identity as beloved children of God.

My friend painted this in Germany.

The Fire

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September 1, the beginning of new things.

The launching happened in August, September is the opening of presents.

Lots of presents, there will be lots of presents, only for those that have kept the faith.

And spoken truth in times of trouble.

I just had a massive encounter with God.

I was crying out to God, looking at my current situation and seeing that there was no way out but to see God speak a miracle.

I lay in my bed, listening to Misty Edwards’ song- “you won’t relent until you have it all”. As I lay there, I knew God was stripping me of all the things I held so dearly for security…Whether that is the need to have a savings or material possession… Whether that is the need to know what I will be doing when I come back from Australia.

In the moment, I encountered Jesus in a way I cannot describe in writing.

I saw Jesus open His arms and beckoning for my hand. We danced and I suddenly saw a ballerina, the image that my friend had prophesied for me. I was a ballerina, beautiful before God’s eyes, dancing with God. We were dancing the future into being. We were creating the future together.

I suddenly felt tears welling up, I started sobbing in desperation for God. I saw Jesus next to me while I twirled in my dress as a girl. He looked at me with pride, He said “wow, that’s my girl, you are so beautiful”. I was praying in heaven language. I saw myself with wings, stepping onto rainbows. I was spewing colors with my wings. Everywhere I went, people looked up in awe and the blind were healed.

My faith has been expanding, strengthened beyond imagination. God wants it all, the Refuge wants me to LET go of all my worldly securities and be a FIRE of God. I saw so much fire, burning, passion of love spewing into the world. I saw a stage, I saw myself fully relinquished to God, thrown, adopted, burning for the LOVE and only the LOVE of Jesus. I felt the tears, the desperation of children that are human trafficked, the lepers on the street, the homeless, the abandoned, the widowed, the abused, I felt deep yearning and compassion for justice.

Right after, my friend messages me and tells me he wants to treat me to boba because I can’t spend money before I go to Australia. God has sent 10,000 angels to pave the way and fight for me. It’s funny how God knows the desire of my heart, even as specific as boba.

I started laughing. God is so funny.

 

Yah, I Know I’m Kind of Crazy

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So I finally sat down and did some calculations.

I have to raise or somehow God will rain down at least $1,672.57 by September 11. So I can pay my bills and September and October rent before I go to Australia. I already pulled out my money for Australia.

I’m struggling between having faith, waiting on God and doing everything I can to sell everything I have to earn some money.

I have a lot of clothes I can sell, but it’s hard to list all of them in that time span. I can sell my laptop, but my laptop is my life work.

So this leaves me thinking, well, it’s got to be God or else I don’t see how anything is possible. I wrote this down in my journal “He will not fail you or forsake you”. It’s scary to be in a place of need, perhaps, even shameful- as obnoxious as that word is, but it leaves me in utmost need of God and His grace to rain even more heavily. When the miracle comes, as last minute as it is, I’ll show the world that God is really that real. For now, I’m going to pray fervently, having patience and believing all that I have believed about my God.

 

Jesus The SuperDad

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Recently God has been blowing my mind away.

My friend had a vision for me that I was a baby and that Jesus was carrying me and even cooking for me.

That really made me cry because, well, Jesus cooks for me!

I have 12 days before I board the plane to Oz Land. Another friend prophesied that he saw different arrows and God will bring in finance through different sources. But that, it would be very last minute. I can see that happening- I mean I have 12 days left.

I guess the world can laugh at me- but I’m already seeing God fight for me.

Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. (Exodus 14:13,14)

I’ve been really learning to be still and cry to God for help. There were several nights I felt disillusioned and thought there were demons watching me, but I knew they were just trying to scare me. God has really been fighting for me in the small things.

Like, little things that I randomly thought I’d need- such as comfortable leggings, travel jackets, etc. My friend called me and told me her friend was moving and that she has clothes in my size. I ended up even getting sketchbooks and sharpies I needed to draw on the trip. GOD IS SO DETAILED in His providing- when we simply trust Him with childlike faith. All the ways I thought God would provide, God has a better and more surprising way. I even had a twitter friend donate to my trip- even though we’ve never met. His emails have been encouraging and shown me that somehow my writing is making a difference in the world.

God is not far away, He is fighting for you!

Tell Him all your needs and He’s fighting for you to get you the best. Thank you for all those that have listened to God and faithfully given out of generosity. I know God honors your heart and is using the money to bless others 1,000 fold.

 

 

Give to My Oz Journey of Love Trip-

Shop To Donate- http://myworld.ebay.com/gugibabu

To donate: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=3S4Y8WMEAVLWC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fundraising For My Love Journey

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Hello Folks!

If you have wandered upon my page, you will know, I am different, unique….interesting maybe? Different.

In less than 3 weeks I will be backpacking in Australia. My goal is to love each person that I am “divinely” appointed to meet. This could be a sales rep, a waitress, a business man, the flight host, a DJ, an artist, an accountant, dancer, volunteer, homeless folk, anyone really. How will I do that? I will be their friend. If this world is lacking something, it’s definitely lacking friends, or people who are willing to STOP their agendas, their work, their goal of making lots of money, to listen to someone that needs to be heard. 

To donate: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=3S4Y8WMEAVLWC

How Will I Love People- I will first and foremost listen.

I will also be be-friended and inspired by those that I meet. As you know, I am currently writing a memoir that will transform communities. It is a unique story about my life, but also a live journal that I am currently writing – based on the present future. It seeks to touch hearts, change hearts, and bring more beauty and healing into the world.

Here’s where I need your help and your investment. As a hippie who has quit her normal 8 to 5 job, I’ve been living off noodles, 99 cents store cabbages, selling vintage clothes on ebay, and well, the mere necessities. I’m not really living the glamorous life, but I’m so grateful because I have all the LOVE that I need in my friends and family.

That’s all I really need. 

THE CATEGORIES  & THE NEEDS FOR MY JOURNEY OF LOVE:
$10 – can feed me for a day (minimally if I ate bagels and water)- Note US exchange rate sucks. It’s 1.10 US to 1 AUD. $15 is preferred if you would like me to be healthy. 
$21 – can house me for a night @ a hostel- where I usually make friends with
$200- pays for buses/transportations for a whole month (I think….)
$70- pays for a one way flight ticket to Melbourne from Sydney
$100- pays for a one way to West Australia
$560 – houses me in hostels for the whole month
$1258 – pays for my roundtrip flight ticket
I swear if ONE person donates, I will seriously cry because I know that I am NOT a nutcase and really have people behind me!
 
Click DONATE to contribute to My Journey of Love! Whatever you SOW, you will surely REAP. I know this because I’ve seen it in my own life! Going on this trip was a risky decision, but I dare not stop supporting my ecuadorean boy and the orphans in Moldova. I will keep supporting those that need it and have faith that God will provide all that I need! :)  

Click here! https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=3S4Y8WMEAVLWC

Re-Thinking Reality

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Look, I’m not asking you to become someone else. 

I’m asking you to think about why you do what you do.

Why do you laugh at “rape jokes”, make fun of women with flat boobs, why do you, though contrary to what you want to do, not stand up for what’s right. Because you know, you would never talk about your mom or sister like that.

How about this- why do you idolize celebrities? What is in their life that you don’t have? Is it money? Is it fame? Is it clothes? Why do we idolize them as though they are more than human? Goddesses and Gods?

How about this- why do you go to school, good schools, to get good jobs, to earn lots of money, to retire? Why do we do that? Is there any real meaning in life? And what is it?

I can say that, walking the path of “re-thinking my reality” was not easy. First, I had to be bullied when I moved to America, because I was foreign and from another country. I was Asian, so I was called “fob” even though I was born in Germany. I spoke little English, wore weird clothes and never fit in like the rest of society. I was a creature from Mars. Many of my acquaintances will testify of that, actually some of them are even my Facebook friends now (some who once bullied me).

So then, I could never really fit in, because I was already born in Germany, lived in Taiwan, and spoke little English- and physically, I wore weird clothes, everything added together was like….one big PROOF that I just did not fit in.

However, because I didn’t fit in, I was able to bubble my thoughts away from mainstream, conformist thought. I was able to think clearly in my room, walk observantly amongst crowds of conforming middle schoolers, and become my own “freak” of sorts. I re-thought my reality and became in tune with God who created me this way. I began to realize that perhaps I wasn’t that unwanted, that hated, that unloved, that outcasted…perhaps I really did have a home, a God who loves me.

That love came, poured, all over my life. In the worst of heartbreaks, turmoil, poverty, and suppression. Broke free and gave me freedom to be the woman I am today.

This is the same freedom I hope that each person I ever bump into will live in. This is the same freedom I want to give to every abused woman, survivor, victim of human trafficking, home, community. I was freed to free others.

I had a dream yesterday, 9/11 I will either be in another country or going to Asia to work with organizations that fight human trafficking. It’s going to happen.

Interdependence and Independence

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Recently I have gone to great extents to fathom and comprehend the concepts of reliance and independence. Or more so, independence vs. interdependence. Independence meaning you are able to live by yourself, not be dependent on parents/friends, interdependence moving back and forth between depending and being independent (the healthy way). I’ll just write a poem since it is easier for me.

Dance, music, limelights, she stands alone wondering where her other half is.

Her sublime sadness provokes me to madness. Can this really be? That one cannot enjoy oneself?

Although I am able to enjoy myself meeting new friends, I cannot but feel a bit of sympathy.

Co-dependency has united the two. They have destroyed any possibility of independence or interdependence. Once capture by a net of security her parents provided, she is once again captivated by his golden locks. He keeps you stagnant, she said. I said, where has your business gone? Where has your dreams of shops and sweets gone? A life once sparked with future, now crumbling into ashes.

Boundaries. Distance. Separating myself.  I don’t know what co-dependence means nor independence. It’s a weak thing I deem to be unable to enjoy oneself without their other half. I would think that a healthy relationship allows space for growth, apart from each other. But I find myself amidst situations of friendships where friends depend on their partners for happiness. Dependence I think is different from “addition”. I think partners should give you an addition of happiness, a bonus of life. Though what I have observed in my surroundings is that without their partners, they seem to be unable to enjoy happiness.

So I keep observing. Kind of sad. Not knowing whether what I feel is legitimate. Whether this is just part of life, or realizing that once again, maybe friends are just that fragile. Friendship can be distanced and broken because of someone finding their partner. I think maybe I just need to grieve for myself, just a little longer. Or maybe I should rejoice because all my friends can now live without my help. I can now move on, emotionally and physically, moving into another country, another culture, another arena of friendship.

Maybe maybe, I should allow myself to be, to feel whatever I feel. To grieve and be sad. To realize another chapter of my life has closed and another has come. I’m a little shaken, a little teary eyed. But I’ll be sad and happy. Happy for them, happy for me. Sad for them, sad for me. Bittersweet herbs renewing visions. I’ll move on, carrying those memories in my heart. Because once again, I’ll be surprised by the friendships God will bring forth to me. Life is just like that, looking back in reminiscence, and learning to look forward in anticipation and hope.