Month: May 2012

How It Feels To be White In A Foreign Country

On By Rebekka LienIn Music, travelLeave a comment

Hi friends,

You must be wondering how I am faring in a foreign country such as Brazil? Well, I now understand how it feels to be white.

Now, I have lots of white friends. I never knew how it felt to be white and always took pity on friends when they looked at me quizzically when my mom or relatives would speak mandarin. Jesting about the gringo is common; though the white friends can´t understand it. Of course, I have Indian friends too, but it just feels way different being white.

In Brazil, hardly anyone speaks English. According to my newly adopted Brazilian brother, you only learn vocabularies such as “dog” and “cat” in school. Thus, my Portuenglish is often returned with a empty look “what the hell are you saying? Are you from outerspace?”.

And of course, “JAPONAISE” is the common comment about my race. If anyone says I´m Japanese again, I will seriously choke the life out of them. I said, “I´m from LA but I´m Taiwanese”. “Thailandness?”- they reply.

OMG. Stab me!!

Thus, this is how it feels to be a multi-cultural, tri-cultural German born Taiwanese American. How does this relate to being white? Well, I often see my white friends have these typical quizzical looks when a restaurant worker or some non-english person would say something.

Now, I see it in the mirror. I, myself, carry a constant quizzical mask. The mask says “what the hell are you saying?”

It is in South America that I finally realized, “dayam…I´m American and I´m proud of it. Yes, I´m a confused American that happens to be Taiwanese and was born in Germany, but I´m still American in culture. I love my ghetto personality.”

ABOUT BRAZIL: 

I am going to miss Brazil because the people are incredibly warm. They are naturally positive, they smile and laugh for no reason. Well, reasons I can´t understand. They are laid back and can take hours to get out the door, but they enjoy relationships and talking. I have learned a lot from Ecuador and Brazil, the people are SO unlike Americans. They live simply, save and recycle, and they seem a lot more content than…well, me. So this is what I´ve learned from them- relaxe and enjoy the sun.

 

South America: Finding Home in Brazil

On By Rebekka LienIn travel2 Comments

Yes, that is my name on a towel. This is my first time couchsurfing and I was a little hesitant, but the family has been incredibly nice. They have one dog and two cats, the dog is named “Maggie” and has two poofy hairdo´s on the side of its head.

I now have complete access to internet, it`s incredible. After a horrible experience dying from food poisoning in Ecuador, I had to fly back to Quito and then to Brazil. Yesterday was a full day of flying, and my stomach was aching so bad. But thank God, today I feel great and I´ve learned a few Portugeuse words…unfortunately, with a Brazilian computer, I can´t spell check my English.

Small note of gratefulness: I had thrown away my crappy towel in Ecuador because I didn´t want to carry too much. On the way to the house, I asked my friend if they had an extra towel. When I got to there, they told me to look in the bathroom….voila- a new towel with my name on it. This may be a small surprise, but to me I knew that god had provided one with my very name on it. He sure takes care of His kids.

Everytime I look at the picture I am reminded that I have a home here in Brazil. I´ve been looking into a lot of travel writing sites, am trying to stop myself from compulsive workaholic behavior and not submit while I´m here. I know that I have something lined up in the states, there´s no human explanation, but my friend said that I´ll be working one on one with people, some kind of consulting work.

After going to the jungle, meeting Marco and working with the kids, I had 3 days. Even though, I didn´t have the money, I knew I had to go to the Galapagos Island because when would I return to Ecuador again? I put it on credit (yes, I know, not too smart, but somtimes  you have to sacrifice, plus it´s not like I have college loans) and flew there. I got sick the second day, wabam, diarrhea and vomit galore. I was praying my ass off (to put it nicely) and tons of people were back home to support me. But I felt completely alone and vulnerable.

As a 3rd world country, Ecuador sure had awesome hospitals. As a foreigner, I got to see the nurse for free and only had to pay 21 bucks for medication. They stabbed my arm with a vaccination shot and gave me some acid eating medicine. Wow, if I was in America, I would be screwed over with tons of bills.

Some pictures while I was still alive:

Galapagos

Turtoise

No I´m not in Taiwan, but there´s a street like the night market. There I met a Taiwanese, no kidding, straight from Taiwan. It felt good to talk in Mandarin because I had been speaking really bad Spanglish for 10 days.

I will expand on more when I return to the states. More posts to come!! And do keep the comments coming!! I love them! God bless!

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Jungle and Meeting Marco

On By Rebekka LienIn food, travel2 Comments

Hi friends!

I´m trying to type really fast so I dont have to pay so much at the cabinas, though it´s relatively cheap. First of all, I´m alive! I have mosquito bites but I am happy and well. The other day I got to meet Marco and his family, as well as visit a church project. There were so many kids, they were all super adorable. I wanted to cry when Marco gave me a hug, he loved the scrapbook and gifts I brought him. Especially, the ninjas I bought from my friend who makes them. He carried the plush toys when we went to the zoo together. He is currently 10 years old and his family is struggling financially.

We went to visit his house and he had a monito, monkey as a pet. On my lap is the monito.

My friend, that is a real monkey. It tried to bite me, but after awhile it fell asleep on my lap. Sorry about the botellia in the picture, haha.

Then, I went to the jungle…let´s say, it was one strange thing after another.The lights went out in the lodge, I had some dark dreams, and it was super hot and humid. But within 3 days I had made more than 5 friends that I can say, I´ll now be friends forever with. Ecuadorians are so helpful, they will take time out of their day to help you. They are not driven by money only, they value famillia more than anything.

Yesterday, after riding with a tour guide, a worker and their boss (it just so happened they were at the lodge visiting and they were nice enough to give me a ride back with them), I had to pee SO BAD. Necessito el bano so bad. Well, my friend told me I had to get on a certain bus, when the black market taxi stopped, it just so happened the bus was right across the street. So with my backpack, I jumped out the taxi, ran across the trafficked street and jumped onto a moving bus, yes it started moving.

Somehow God is protecting me and giving me rides everywhere. I can´t tell you how amazing I´ve felt meeting the people here, they really humble me and help me to see the valuable things in life. I´m so glad I came, I wish everyone could experience this.

Fanta and Rice Breakfasts, Hot Summer Humid Nights in Ecuador

On By Rebekka LienIn travel7 Comments

Hi Friend!

I´ve finally got the time to blog about my first 2 days in Ecuador. The manager of the internet place just asked me if I´m married, it´s not very unlikely that random strangers will make conversation with you by asking about your boyfriend or spouse. He said, “your boyfriend is in Ecuador?”. To which I said “America”.

I´m in a random hole in the wall internet cafe, except there´s no cafe. It´s called a “cabina”. I rode in a 5 hour bus to Tena from Quito today. What I´ve fortunately realized is that Ecuador is probably the most beautiful place on earth, and also the people are one of the kindest people on earth as well. Unlike the pre- warnings that “omg”, you are going to get robbed and beware of men there, men in fact, especially the older ones have been like papas to me. Today on the bus, I met a bus driver who helped me find a hostel and find my way around Tena. Then previously, a medicine salesman helped me get to the terminal and take the right bus to Tena. He was very kind, though I don´t understand why he said he wanted to see the movies with me when I already told him I had a boyfriend.

Having said, Ï paid 10 bucks to stay at a hostel. The hostel has a little gap above the door so you can hear what drama the owners are watching. The amazonias get really cold at night, though during the day, it´s like living 24-7 in a hot steam bath. I feel yucky. It feels like living in Taiwan. The night, the markets do resemble Taiwan markets from 15 years ago. Though Taiwan is now much cleaner and more modernized.

I was thinking about how I´m the only asian woman walking on the street. Sometimes you start to feel like an exotic animal that everyone stares at. Now I know how white people feel in Asia, except in this case, it´s an Asian in Ecuador. Staring is very normal it seems.

And private space doesn´t exist. Personal space? What? When people point to tell you something, they definitely cross your American space by bypassing the normal boundaries. Of course, I´m crossed and pissed. Though I´ve realized, hey, they are not the only ones. Sometimes they don´t stop talking until you tell them, ¨”I´m going to take a nap”.

This morning, I was freaking out about how I would get to Tena, I prayed. Then, when I was buying a 30 cent comb the medicine salesman happened to just be going there. Thank god! I would say, Ecuadorians are WAY more hospitable than people in LA. I mean no one in LA would take the time to help you. Plus, if you think about it, no one goes walking in Skidrow at night anyways. All the things you do at home, is what you would do in a foreign country.

Speaking of foreign, I hope that I never act foreign, besides the language barrier. I hope I´m never someone that treats local with disrespect and no offense, ¨”act really white”. I was analyzing and observing today, and thinking about what it means to be foreign. And of course, how everything my American friends warned me of, happens to be 99 percent not true. Of course, we have to be careful wherever we go, but my time in Ecuador, for the two days, have proven to be positive…..besides feeling like an exotic animal and the sometimes ¨freaking annoying remarks “cheennnnaaa” as in Chinese. Because the very idea that a Chinese would come from Los Angeles seems so foreign, I have to try really hard to be patient.

More to come….

Love, bekka

Believing In the Moments That You Knew Love Existed

On By Rebekka LienIn loveLeave a comment

Small doodle!

I’m holding your hand, your shirt brushing against my arms. The smell of fresh laundry.

Love is, patient. Really, really, really patient. It is waiting when your body and heart feels dry, unloved, unarmed, like your body wants to run but it cannot, it does not know what the expression of the heart looks like. It does not know how to sing when the soul is dying or when to dance when I can only hear you whispering.

Whispering you are. You whisper with your glance, your gaze, your silence, your space and time. My seasons of growth, despair, joy and change have led me to pathways of seeing you for who you are. You, my friend, you my lover, you my family.

It is funny how we forget how human we are, how two people can be in love and know the secrets of God. Love, where no success or money can replace. Love, which is long-suffering, grueling, tiring at times, full of despair and desperation. Sometimes, love is full of moments, risk. Lots of risk is love, any moment your heart is pricked, any moment you feel you might fall into a deep cave of pain.

Though, I’ve found that life is short. We are not put on this earth to know the full extent of love, for we can only comprehend a tiny fraction of what it is. It is better to love and lost then to never have loved. Our human heart longs to defend, protect. Fear is the enemy of love. Fearing that you will lose someone you love is not love based on courage. Courage we must have in order to risk all we have for the ones that we love. A lonely life of protection will one day become a life of regrets.

For when we have loved, we have no regrets, because we know that we were capable of this divine thing called love. We experienced a spiritual awakening, we allowed our souls to dance and whisper secrets of the divine.

Perhaps you think that love is everlasting. Truly, love is everlasting. Love is not always felt, it can be a strong wave from the ocean and other times like a calm and peaceful stream. Love is like the tornado washing the debris of the past, fallen expectations and false understanding of who we are. It is a full force that shakes your heart, literally so that your whole being is being affected.

I feel deeply all emotions. I let pain go to the darkest places in my heart, I let joy seep through each molecules of my brain, I let love pull me in the direction I should go. Sometimes after the silent storm is over, the tears fall while I sit in my room, watering the crops of emotions and love. How can love even be described with words? Words will not suffice, for though you may have been hurt, over and over again, believe in the moments that you knew love existed. Believe in the moments where magic was in the air, where poetry was not enough to describe the existential trust and feelings you felt, where after your overthinking turned into nothing because trust was rebuilt.

I don’t claim to know the deep secrets of love, but I know how to express it. I know how to express through words, right now in time, how I feel and what I have experienced. It’s none of the easy bullshit the media shows us, love doesn’t form in 1.5 hours of movie time or simple romantic phrases and hymns, love is the decades our earth has been through, it is the art, the poems, the songs inspired by heartbreaks, joys of love, letting go, and realizing that wow, life is short, and all we can do is love even when we know it might hurt.

My love, love will hurt because it wouldn’t be love if there wasn’t risk involved. Love is a risky game. Love is what life is about, if you don’t master anything in life, master your heart to love unconditionally, even when it hurts. You’ll find that there is a greater being holding your heart.

No matter what your issues are, the issues stem from love, a lack of love and worth. Choose to believe in the moments that you were affirmed, you were loved. Don’t let the bad experiences taint your future. Believe in the moments that you knew love existed.

My First Photo Journal – Mi Nombre Es Rebekka

On By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

My First Photo Journal entry! ….the end says “but I have FAITH!” You can contribute to my volunteer trip here.

I just had this ingenious idea right now and decided to share my journal with you. I’ll be posting doodles as I go to Ecuador and Brazil. I won’t be bringing my laptop due to safety and well, my mac is my life, so I’ll be handwriting all my experiences. These doodles will eventually become a little book that I’ll sell and all individual doodles will be for sale on Etsy!

Today, I went to Healthy Traveler in Pasadena to get my yellow fever vaccination. I had a moment of squeaking before I had to sit down and get the shot. I was anticipating a long drawn out shot, but it literally was a stab in the arm and VOILA it was done! Cha-Ching $154 please. Throw-up. Yep, the cost of traveling to a 3rd world country is much higher.

Furthermore, I found out I actually leave ON Mother’s day, the night of (1:30 ish am). Here’s a poem for ya’lls.

Push and pull, our story goes. I’m holding back, a flood of emotions, allowing the gift that is me, space and time. The essence of doing nothing, waiting feels like a suffocation. Though, each moment, I’m breathing, being in the present. He once said, breathe and pull yourself to the present since all you have is now.

In the gift of space and time, trusting that love is true even when words are not spoken. This is my dilemma. Why is it so hard to just be? To give up trying and receive. To give up pushing so you can push forward. To let go and breathe, letting love be free, flowing, not suffocated or silenced. Now I know that love was never easy, love was never just admiration and immature play…love is, more complex, more present, more simple. It is a dichotomy that can only be learned through experience.