Month: October 2011

If You Had No Fear In Life – What Would You Do, How Would You Live Differently?

On By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

If there were no fear in you- what would you do, how would you live differently?

I decided to write a list, because, well I’m at those many cross roads in my life. Basically, I’m an artist and a bum. I’m taking slow and deliberate steps to analyze my steps, especially now that I don’t want to fall into “a normal lifestyle”. I don’t really mind being called a bum, because I’m starting a business…so though I am a bum, I’m also an entrepreneur. Sometimes you don’t have the motivation to start your own thang until you have nothing right?

1. I would jump off a cliff (just kidding)
2. Eat poison (just kidding)
3. I would fall in love without fear of it ending
4. I would get a loan to start my business – I really don’t believe in borrowing money
5. I would reach out to certain family members with more zest even though they may not deserve it
6. I would already get off my ass and plan my trip around the world- even though it seems impossible right now

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.[a] And by him we cry, “Abba,[b] Father.”

7. Start my own band and be the leader of it

What are your aspirations if fear didn’t exist? Start now.

Having a Satisfied Soul & Returning To My First Love

On By Rebekka LienIn Uncategorized1 Comment

How could I have given into the lie?
How could I have stopped playing and enjoying life?
I let go of my vision of enjoying life, and became a slave to profit and money, that which society calls security.
When I found myself in front of the keyboard, creating rhythm, singing…I knew that for more than a year, I had lost my vision for playing.
I could not have discovered my loss if I continued to work, to survive, to “thrive” in those peoples’ eyes.
I could not have discovered my first love, my first language again if I pushed myself to “achieve” and to be like everyone else.

It is ironic how we need to be completely stripped of all that society gave us to believe, is security, to find what really matters.
We need to be completely broke, unable to sum up rent. We need to sell our cars, eat ramen noodles, suffer the humiliation of being unable to pay for a drink.

All that society tells us, through commercials, through people- need to be dumped into the garbage.

I feel so free, so relaxed, so myself. I cry and laugh when I want to. I’m in tune with my soul, with my emotions, with my goals. I’m in tune when I’m with people, I don’t think about what I’m doing next, what my schedule is.

I feel completely comfortable in my own skin. I feel no remorse, no anxiety, my muscles are laid back and in place. Tension was my yester-year.

It was the end of July that I left my full time job. I rested for a month and bought a plane ticket to Australia. There, I experienced life to the overfull. I experienced joy, deep suffering, lost, laughter, reflection, peace, and lastly “being”. I experienced what it meant to be. To be aware of all that my life was, to care deeply for strangers I just met. I experienced something that I wish everyone could sense, gain with their souls.

I experienced the deep connection of sorrow, joy, lost, apprehension, goals- the likes of which connects us human beings. Though we came from different nations, our humanity linked us, bonded us.

It’s October 27, 2011. Halloween is coming. Thank you God for giving me freedom to be me, to pursue my dreams, to live a life of love that embraces pain and has no regrets. I feel a twinge of thankfulness, that I am overfilled, overflowing, that it took me one year to truly regain what I had lost, the disappointment that caused me to give up singing and being free.

Today, though I am unable to spend money freely, I feel more joy than I have ever felt. I don’t need many external luxuries to satisfy my soul, I already have a satisfied soul. I pray that I may never go back to where I came from, that I would live out of simply being.

Craving Romance In Your Life?

On By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Seems like the word “romance” is overrated, old school, ancient, backward….

Well I’m here to tell you, romance IS THE NEW. We need romance in our lives–  what do I mean?

Now, when I talk about romance, I don’t necessarily mean a partner whispering sweet nothings into your ear, writing love letters all the time, surprising you at your doorstep with flowers, teddy bear, chocolate and the likes. That’s not all I’m talking about.

According to Wikipedia- “Romance is the pleasurable feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.In the context of romantic love relationships, romance usually implies an expression of one’s love, or one’s deep emotional desires to connect with another person.”

Romance “happens” because someone usually adores you, knows your worth, knows you are like a queen, a goddess, worthy to be loved. You are adored.

What if we “already” know that, and don’t necessarily need a guy to tell us our worth? Would we live differently? Would we romance ourselves? We know we are beautiful, worthy of pleasing, so we treat ourselves to ice cream, to a sundae fudge.

This night, I found myself filling up my tub to the brim with hot water.

The night was cold and quiet, filled with only bossa nova music. This was pleasant to my soul.

I scrubbed the debris of the day away, cleansing myself of the weariness of the day…though unlike some busy days,

I listened to my intuition, took myself on a trip to meet new friends at a coffee shop.

The serendipity of connecting with another strange soul, is to me, romantic- as in, new, surprising, unlike the norm.

Today was a romantic day. I treated myself with respect, knew my worth, lived in romance.

The sounds of drums, violin, guitar filled my room and I couldn’t help but dance, alone, yet not alone.

When we realize that our identity does not come from the income, the security of a job, what we do- we live romantically- pleasuring ourselves in what is beautiful. A bath with music filling your senses.

Of course, as the water flowed up my arms, breezing by in fluid motion- I couldn’t help but think “how ironic that I’m broke as hell and I’m happier than ever”. Normal people will never understand how I can give up a full time job to live like this, not knowing where my income will come from. I like the surprise of it all, I like being surprised by God. I’m just salsa-ing, tangoing, samba-ing through life, every step is like a dance.

I watch myself dancing with various friends, every song is another season. It’s a romantic season of being myself, doing what I love, living in the unknown, bathing myself in romantic music, enjoying every moment of being with people. It’s time to be romanced, we need to value our beauty, our lives, our people – instead of finding productivity in every task.

Do you lack romance in your life?

 

 

 

 

 

Free Speech- My Vulva, My Clit

On By Rebekka LienIn God, self- reflectionLeave a comment

Finding Femininity

I stared down at my down there, it was big, pulsing, covered with remains of selfish love.
It held power, love, femininity and spoke of womanhood.
I’m a woman and I’m beautiful.
As I stared at the two friends, flaps of grace and beauty, chilling side by side,
I knew that I had arrived, at the point of embracing that I am beautiful.
No more, no more wearing tight jeans that tortured my vulva.
No more, no more wearing things that suffocate my beloved.
I’m letting go, letting my queen reign.
I’m letting go of societal expectations, my vulva, my clitoris want to breathe!

http://twitter.com/rebekka_lien 

Just a snippet of the book to come!

 

Setting Up Shop

On By Rebekka LienIn business, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Setting Up Shop

Hi Friends!!

I’m excited to share with you that I will be officially creating my own brand and hand picking all the coolest and most unique accessories to sell!! My items are unique and cute, great for gifts (especially Christmas gifts). My adventure has finally begun! Now I am just working on graphics and other things to add to my branding.

Meanwhile, shop My Ebay Store!

or my Etsy Store!

I had another freak attack about my life and my roommate had to pray for me, because I looked mentally ill walking into her room. I’ve been researching night and day, at times even dreaming about my next step, ideas for my business. I’m 23 years old, have worked in the fashion industry since 18 years old, and know what I want now!

It’s a scary journey, I’m not going to lie. Giving up the full time job to pursue my own business is freaky! Yet, the rewards of someone liking the items you sell – is SO REWARDING, so wow, it outweighs “stable income” or the “predictability” of driving to the same work, same route everyday. I knew this since the day I started “pretending to sell stuff” in my made up store (I’ve done this since I was 6 years old). I would invite friends over and pretend I was selling stuff to them.

I just love selling, I love the business of it. And more so- I love connecting with people and making them happy! With the beautiful things that they receive to beautify their life and outfits.

Wish me lots of luck! And if you would like to invest in a starving artist, while I’m buying stock in faith, and trust God to provide- click here to give, even $10 is appreciate! 🙂

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=3S4Y8WMEAVLWC

The Point of No Return

On By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I come back from Australia, go to San Francisco, meet tons of cool people and visit cool places…then I start getting these itchy annoying spots on my ankle and a bit on my stomach. To add to the mess, my car almost got towed yesterday at Jack in the Box and we had to pay $100 for the mess. Even after much persuasion, the towing people looked at me with weary eyes, “no, no discount”.

After mailing shoes I sold on Ebay, I started wanting to cry again.

“What am I going to do with my life now that I’m back?”- It’s one of those familiar moments that I feel like every artist go through, or every post-grad.

I started to feel those negative thoughts flood back and all I could do was push them out. I really don’t want to settle again, I don’t want to settle for another 9 to 5 job that pays the bills but kills my soul. I’d rather be struggling, a starving artist, than someone who settles for a slow killing cancerous job that presses down on the soul and body, aiming to “conform all to the brain numbing institutions that kills personality and personhood” (I’m not saying every company does that….but a lot).

I’m going to trust God, keep strong, keep going, even if I have to go to bartending school to become a bartender to pay the bills, or to work at a coffee shop. At this point, I need to hustle for one week to pay rent.

The 9 to What?

On By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

The 9 to What?

Hi Folks!

I’m officially back in Los Angeles, hopefully won’t be going too far for now. I went to Oakland, San Francisco, Santa Cruz, San Jose, Mountain View all in 4-5 days. It was a weekend of catching up with close friends and family, and thinking about “what’s next”.

Of course, many of you ask “are you going to find a job?”

No, I’m not going to find a job, but I am going to continue working with people that are like- minded, on projects that will provide financially so I can pay the rent. Asides from that, my work will always be my hobby. Tomorrow I will be meeting with a fellow musician who is coming out with her album and touring soon- maybe we’ll end up collaborating. The opportunities are endless!!

How about you? (yes, I’m asking you!)- what are your goals for the future? Working the 9 to 5 job, or becoming your own boss?

Times will get tough when you decide to quit your job and be your own boss, but like I said to my cousin today “to me, work is never work, it’s basically what I was born to love, I never think of improving my ebay store or ways of marketing myself as a ‘job’, my brain just functions smoothly like that, without motivation, it’s innate”.

Work= Doing what I love.

Look forward to more of my adventures!

Check out my Ebay Store- http://myworld.ebay.com/gugibabu

Don’t forget to subscribe to my blog- https://rebekkalien.wordpress.com

Follow me on Twitter- http://twitter.com/rebekka_lien

Just came back and going out again- SF

On By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

So the last two days, I felt like I slept for most of the days.

I would wake up at 3 pm and sleep at 3 am or stay up until 6am because of jet lag.

I’m drinking Argentina Yerba Mate and eating beef and tendon balls with brown rice. The caffeine withdrawals have been kicking in at about 3 am each night. This time I only pack for friday, saturday, sunday, monday and tuesday. I have an actual carry on suitcase and am trying my best not to squish my “wedding dress”, or my cello dress. It’s exquisite!!! I love the dress so much! It’s been a peaceful 2 days, recovering.

I’m not too worried about making money, even though I have 1/3 of my rent for next month. I trust God will provide. I did apply for this casting company. It would be great to be an extra and meet people.

Missing the Melbourne Coffee, expresso machines are the ish!

By the way, I’m selling clothes on EBAY for cheap- help me pay rent this month as well as sustain an artist life!

http://myworld.ebay.com/gugibabu

Screw Coming Home

On By Rebekka LienIn travelLeave a comment

I’m not going to lie, but this time I really don’t know why I’m back in los angeles. My trip felt way too short. I was already out of my suitcase and getting used to not having the same bed any few days. I was used to walking several miles a day and rewearing pants. I liked meeting new people and the excitement of not planning my days and living with the flow.

Its not that I don’t miss my friends, there are moments I do…but when you meet other backpackers, you all live in the same mentality. No one is living for security, everyone is a nomad.

I miss that already and have no idea why I’m back.

Next time I’m seriously moving, I’m tired of going back and forth. I want to give it all up for who I really am.

I realize after talking to my roommate, trying to explain my trip… is like trying to explain a beautiful piece of art with words, you just can’t. I can’t explain my trip at all with sufficiency…you just have to backpack on your own to understand what I felt. And of course, the amount of partying I do as well, well you know me, I’m beyond other people. When I backpack, I pack my days with friends and fun more so than others.

You can imagine how my trip was, no, you can’t. Even as I sit in my room right now, life is so quiet, so normal. There’s nothing that is new in a constant room, a house. When you travel, you sleep in an unknown bed, next to 10 people in bunk beds, you never know if the music will be too loud or if people will walk in and start shouting. You don’t know where the bus is taking you, you carry maps and its’ wrinkled at the end.

It’s just indescribable, it can’t be compared to “vacations” or people who stay at 5 star hotels. It can’t be planned, it’s a backpackers’ journey. The mentality is completely different from normal life. I’ll try to write more about it another day. Right now I’m so jet lagged I can’t think.

“Yourself” – A Beautiful Word

On By Rebekka LienIn artLeave a comment

Self- Self is a beautiful thing.

Many people ask me in dismay “you travel by yourself?”

as though “yourself” is a despicable, ugly, loathed word, thing.

The word yourself can be taken apart to be “you R self”. To be able to to love yourself, you must know and understand self. Oftentimes we learn about ourselves by being in relationship with others…but only when you courageously spend time with yourself are you able to process who you are, in relation to your environment and community.

No. We are NEVER by ourself. The world is deeply connected at its core, we all have the same human anatomy, heart, brain, organs, desires…

to be loved, accepted, appreciated, known.

No. We are NEVER alone. Truly. I am deeply aware of my existence as a meaningful connection to those I meet.

As I travel, somewhere in time and location, I cross paths with another who is journeying as well. Our paths merge, or cross, but we were meant to meet. Some people call it an accident, I call it divine appointment. Some people are just delighted to find a friend, I see our souls commune, abstraction of spirits that words cannot suffice to explain.

We are not lovers, but when I look purposely into your eyes, gray, brown, blue, green, black- I am met with revelations of our common humanity.

If we could stop long enough in our busy lives to look deep into anothers’ eyes…we grasp and grip the essence of compassion lodged in a part of our heart for another being. Time becomes irrelevant. Plans fade. Agenda dissolves like tablets of nothing. Money, we could give it all. We would stop all mockery of the poor, the weak, the laughable beings of our current society. We would stoop low with the abandoned, we would wash the wounds of dying souls.

We would bravely smile back without a defensive heart. We would cease to protect self in fear, but boldly love the vastly different, the outcasts, we would treat others with dignity even if they no longer deserve it.

We all need a second chance, to mend our story, our past.