Does The Train Ever Stop Long Enough?

A serene picture of Grindelwald, Switzerland, June 2000 taken by someone named Carl.

I wrote this August 12, 2009 Sunday in Germany:

“oh oh oh you, you came to break me….oh oh oh you came to save me. Life is too short for worries and plans. Let the days take you by the hand”

Lord, I ask

my worries whisked away as ducks smoothly, relaxed

letting your current peacefully carry me.

I dont fall, I dont sink, I am still.

AFter this storm, a struggle of my own making, I have learned.

You have broken all ways, all limbs, all limbs, all strength. That I may,

Learn, fall into your arms

As bloody as I am, take me.

surrender wholly

cover me, like an oak

flying past terrain of infinite greens

There really is no one like you.

(and I, don’t struggle against the current, but follow the current, for it is the river that flows)

Freedom To Be, To Choose

Drawing that I finished. Copyright: Rebekka Lien. I have made this into cards too- for sell proceeds going to charity- to be announced.

Life Is Unexpected.

Fury, laughter, and silence.

Drops of rain cover my window pane.

I am hovering like a helicopter.

Not flying, nor landing.

Heads drooping.

Flowers rotting.

Call me from the grave

This life is short, but beautiful

searching for eternity in my heart

I have yet to experience travels of miles, lands, terrains, hills, valleys, oceans, mountains

and.

stories, people, embraces, laughter, tears

there’s much to come

The strong aren’t strong at all.

Teach me to catch today by the hands.

For I am just another unique masterpiece

writing a story of your glory with my life.

that you have given me.

I could have not existed, not even have a soul, a thought, a conscience,

a heart.

It would be like

having a mouth zipped, brains frozen, body a vegetable,

incapable, lifeless, heartless, thoughtless

BUT.

I sit.

Alive

Writing
Thinking
Drawing
Feeling

One cannot comprehend the gift that is us. To be given life, a book, a blank book we choose to write any story we want.
To be given life, a blank canvas we choose to create any image we want.
To be given life, a song, a melody we choose to write, conduct, and compose.

What is it ? I hear.

We have. We have freedom to choose. What will you choose to create out of your life, what story will it be? What melody?

I hope it will be beautiful.

Make it beautiful, choose to be.

Be BEYOND uncontrollable circumstances

Be the person you TRULY DESIRE to be.

Snippets of Truth

Quotes from The Me I want to be- john ortberg

“You don’t just become holier. You become you- ier”

“But ‘new’ doesn’t mean completely different, instead, its like an old peace of furniture that gets restored to its intended beauty”

That means that flourishing – being connected with the spirit of God- is available all the time. When your spirit flourishes, you are most fully alive”

When we live in love, we flourish

God designed you to be you. God designed us to delight in your actual lives. When I am growing toward the me I want to be I am being freed from the me I pretend to be. I no longer try to convince people I am important while secretly fearing I am not.

Should is an important word for spiritual growth, but God’s plan is not for you to obey Him because you should even though you don’t want to. He made you to want His plan for you.

Loving people means being willing to disappoint them sometimes.

Jesus loved everyone, but that means at some point he disappointed everyone.

Seeking to become the me that other people want me to be is a hollow way to live. Nobody else can tell you exactly how to change because nobody but God knows.

To love someone is to desire and work toward their becoming the best versions of themselves.

Rule- keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith- paul wrote, “but only perpetuates itself into more and more rule keeping”. In other words, it only results in a rule- keeping, desire- smothering, Bible reading, emotion- controlling, self- righteous person who is not like me. In the end, I cannot follow God if I don’t trust that He realy has my best interest at heart.

There is an enormous difference between following rules and following Jesus because I can follow rules without cultivating the right heart.

Jesus did not say “I have come that you might follow the rules”. He said “I have come that you might have life, and have it with abundance”

When the spirit flows in you, you are given power to become the person God designed You to become.

The Spirit never just flows in us, he always flows through us so that others might flourish as well.

The Bible does not say you are God’s appliance; it says you are His masterpiece. Appliances gets mass- produced. Masterpieces get handcrafted. Therefore His plan for shaping you will not look like His plan for shaping anyone else. If you try to follow a generic plan for spiritual growth, it will only frustrate you. Paul said “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom”.

Island In The Sun

4:52 pm-

Listening to Weezer “Island In The Sun”. Real fun song.

Re-editing my resume and cover letter. Apparently all my classes want different types of resumes. Even though I already have one. They just won’t stop! I googled what it takes to work overseas, it says “you must already have a CV”. Which, if you didn’t know, is this long long resume that usually goes on for 10 pages. Serious. I’d rather not.

I was at Borders reading and saw this book in the Business section- SEE I”M NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT LOVES KEWPIE!

But my Kewpie is still cuter, because this one seems to have weird ears and waxed eyebrows. My kewpie doesn’t wax his eyebrow.

Then I took this cool picture of spoons and knives and all them eating utensils when I went to chill with my friends at this place, forgot the name, somewhere in pasadena, looks like a place where all them grandpas and grandmas eat. We were walking to my friends’ car and I screamed- SKunK. It stinx!!! She opened her trunk and screamed, not. Scared the shiz out of me. Then, today I went in my car and was like, seriously it smells like skunk.

I stuffed myself and had a stomach-ache. Ate more than the men even.

And finally. Going back to schoolwork.

Business Journey Not Only To the East, But Into Peoples’ Business

“Product Description

With the rapid shift in global economic power, many Western companies are jumping onto the bandwagon towards Asia, lured by the rich returns that the region can potentially provide. However, many are ill prepared for the cultural challenges, many are too impatient and prescribed in their market entry strategies and many struggle with the possibility that there is an alternative Asian approach to business. Their success rate is very poor: early failure leads to frustration and stagnation.

But what if there were a faster way to appreciate the new Asia, to understand better how Asians strategize and practice business? How could companies avoid the many pitfalls and accelerate their learning curves? What could make them sit up and realize that a fresh business approach to Asia, combining the best of East and West, could substantially increase their success rate?

Professor Chow-Hou Wee and Fred Combe share their combined academic and real world wisdom in an East-meets-West collaboration. In this book, they blend the practical, cultural, and historical realities of doing business in Asia with anecdotes and refreshing insights from great Asian influencers as well as the works of Chinese philosophers and strategists, notably, Sun Zi Bingfa, the most well known Chinese military treatise in the world.

Throughout the book, the authors explore why Asians and Westerners think and operate differently, examine how the West needs to urgently reappraise its role in Asia and propose that the West adopt a new business approach that combines Asian and Western strategy.”

Culture doesn’t matter- think again. I love this book…not because I finished it, but because it talks about the roots of how Chinese people do business, and it goes WAY BACK in history. This really interests me, BIG TIME. I seriously thank my Lord for making me how I am, because somehow I’m able to understand both. I was sitting there eating with friends and had this weird feeling, oh yah, huh- im like the only Asian here. As much as we don’t want to label ourselves, it is what it is. And the best thing is- to be okay with it. Tis I am. I have the habit of analyzing peoples’ expressions, speech, and culture.

Usually this goes through my mind:

“oh she’s feeling uncomfortable because she has no idea what that term means”

“now, she feels awkward because she doesn’t want her to feel ignorant….so she is suppressing her negative awe”

“he probably feels left out, he is sitting there just watching”

“he is quite introverted, probably processing what is going on”

“I have no idea why I am thinking all this, let me wake up and get back into the conversation”

Yes. The most awkward times in my life is when I KNOW that people are insecure and all are trying to be people they ARE NOT. It creeps me out so much, I hate when I fake myself. I don’t feel right because I am outside my skin. That’s why, I prefer to be silent if people are trying too hard. I just watch and observe- which makes people uncomfortable too because then they ask me, “why are you so quiet”. In my german ways, I almost want to scream “because you guys are idiots and trying too hard to impress each other, and it’s stupid”. And I don’t want to be here- the end.

Haha. But no, seriously. Trying to be someone else is tiring, so silence is golden in those situations. For reals.

But anyways, yes, this book is incredible and I must buy it instead of reading it at Borders.

Multiphrenia-the inability to know who we really are

Painting by Jackson Pollock (I think, found this online)

According to the book Social Psychology, Identity Theory relates to “the enduring nature of one’s thoughts about who she is”. Our identity refers to our internal thoughts about who we are in social categories as well as personal characteristics. Growing up in various environments, having to move from country to country, and living in ever- changing family circumstances has allowed me to form my own identity. I was born in Hamburg, Germany because my parents attained their highest education liberation there, wedded there, and gave birth to my brother and I. I, of course, was fish out of water from the beginning of birth. While everyone in my class had blonde hair and blue eyes, I had semi- brown hair and light brown eyes. Although I had some Dutch blood in me, I was still very alien to the German land; I was Taiwanese in ethnicity.

Stryker’s first principle portrays that behavior is based on an already defined and classified world. In my case, I was born and living in a foreign land. I was, from birth, an outsider looking in. I spoke fluent German, even better than the natives. I believe that my ability to accept the arts, music, and western influences derived from my upbringing in German kindergarten and schooling. I noticed that I am more blunt in personality and speech than most Asians; this is also derived from my German upbringing. As a result, Stryker is correct in stating that our behavior is based on a defined culture and world.

If I was born anywhere else, I may not be the same person and identity as I am now. If I was born in Taiwan, Japan, or any other asian country, I may be more reserved and unable to speak my mind. At the same time, I might be more studious and even smarter in academics instead of in the arts? These are all stereotypes of course, but true in general of Eastern and Western culture.

Fortunately, I got a taste of both worlds by moving to Taipei, Taiwan at the age of 5 or 6. Everything was a blur actually at that age. I don’t remember sitting in the plane and flying to another foreign land. All I remember is the teacher that used to hit me on the hand and friends I made and still keep in touch. At that age, I was able to pick up Chinese quite easily. Unfortunately, I lost most of my German speaking and listening skills. I had no opportunity to practice it since my mother never enforced me to speak it. At a young age, I started picking up culture norms, language, lingos, and other cultural acceptable to- do’s. I don’t recall intentionally telling people I was born in Germany. I didn’t think anything of it, it never crossed my mind at that age. I thought I was the same as everyone else. I got in trouble a lot because I talked so much in class. Now that I think about it, I realize that my German ways had crossed over negatively in my new culture.

You can see how my identity was confused according to the fourth concept that people develop their identities based on their positions in society. What was my identity? When you are young, you don’t really think about your identity. When you are young, you live and learn, fall and learn, and just go with it. Thus, even though I felt and knew I was different, I went along with symbolic interaction, acting independently of constraints. I tried to conform even when I moved to America at the age of 8. Throughout middle school, I struggled with my identity. I hated Gap clothes, but everyone wore them. I wore handmade clothes and got made fun of. I was loud and dysfunctional in peoples’ eyes. The greatest sin in middle school is not to conform, and I had committed it.

Finally, nearing eighth grade, I decided in my mind that I would be a freak. I created from within an image of the unique girl, the unique freak, and the person that is apart and different from everyone else. I found hope and faith in God and became perfectly comfortable with the person that He had created me to be. In high school, I got voted most unique. Even now, I feel like a 60 year old woman inside because of all the trauma, changes, and cultures that I have experienced. Some of the trauma included lost of multiple culture made identities, divorce, lost of friends, moving to a new environment and learning new cultures, loneliness, adaptation, and other numerous confusions and distress. When Dr. Carbajal asked whether anyone feels like they have accomplished everything they wanted to in life, I wanted to raise my hand. However, I realized there are still things I want to do. I want to travel and see the whole world, to save victims of human trafficking and slavery, to feed the hungry, and finally on a personal level, reconcile and build a relationship with my father. I also want a life partner I can do all these things with and of course raise revolutionary kids that can change the world for good. I will not over control my children, but give them freedom to pursue their dreams, just as my own mother has.

Brand equity is a term to describe brands and companies. However, I believe it can be used to describe human beings. Each of us have unique personalities, vibes, talents, interests, and characteristics that can only be attributed to us. The combination of traits makes us who we are. The situated self refers to the temporary image we create to impress certain people. For example, at an interview we would be extremely professional, but at a party we would let lose.  Postmodern theorists argue that the “self has become ‘saturated’ in recent years because we have so many ‘others’ with whom we interact”, causing us to have ‘multiphrenia’, the inability to know who we really are.

I believe that all this proves the necessity for each individual to search deep within and face their true self. Our society is flooded with marketing schemes, marketing self, and false advertising. As students enter the work force, they are forced to create an image that may betray who they really are. I believe that it doesn’t have to be like this. Personally, I want to be as genuine as I can be. I have built life time friendships with my past bosses. Though we might not be as buddy- buddy as I am with my best friends, but we have built mutual- respect and trust. I do not lie to them about my perspectives or views on anything, even if it may offend them. I am perfectly okay with being different from others and still being able to respect them. This may all come from my tri- cultural background. This is important since the world is merging into one big melting pot. If we don’t know who we are and what we stand for, we will most certainly lose ourselves in a world of lies, hidden agendas, and identity- less selves.

Apres the rain- pour la vie

I have no idea what that little bright thing resting in the clouds are, I took this from my room so maybe it was a reflection of a water drop.

Believe it or not, apres the rain, the sky was fantastical. For those that aren’t lucky enough to be my facebook friend- here’s just a few of my pics. Enjoy!

Truth, Rain, Running

I woke up and actually got 7 hours of sleep. Bravo! Instead of 10 hours lately. I decided to go for a run, since I’ve been eating vegan cookies, sandwiches, and hot tea, hot coco, hot coffee. The air was amazingly crisp.

As I started stretching, I thought this: when you are standing still in the cold, after the rain, you get…well cold. However, if you continue running, say in the rain, you keep warm. So it is in life.

As I looked around the plants I was running by, I thought another. It is amazing how people only believe in the facts of science and not the facts of our spiritual condition. Especially, when it comes to grace. The grace that Christ extends to us.

People choose to believe in everything that “authorities and PhD’s” claim to be true because it has nothing to do with the observance (truth) of themselves. Yes, it can be about how H2O reacts with Carbon, about how yeast rises in bread, about the anatomy of human beings, about how animals move, about space, about computer systems, about human resources, about business, but ANYTHING TO DO WITH FACING OUR TRUE SELVES, people will run away.

It can even be meditating so that you forget about yourself, it can be new age and feeling like you are one with the universe, it can be even doing good works and charity to cover up the fact that we are weak and sinful- and thus trying to work our way towards heaven, it can be doing voodoo and cursing other people, it can be forever being angry, it can be horoscopes- trying to predict each day of our lives…..

However, we are then forever escaping truth and the reality and conditions of our hearts and souls. That we are depraved in every way, that we are unable ourselves to be good, that we are, as much as people hate this word, sinful. To look ourselves in the mirror of our hearts is, I believe, one of the most terrifying things on earth.

And maybe that’s why I have found truth in Jesus Christ. I am not religious, I don’t smack people on the head with scripture or doctrine. This is the only truth I know that allows us to see ourselves as we REALLY are, and the God who actually forgives and embraces us just as we are. No trying to do good works, no trying to be better.

That comes later, as the power enters us and allows us to love- unconditionally just as we have accepted unconditional love.

I am just like everyone else, but I have accepted the gift of grace and given up on the fact that I myself can achieve anything good, or be any good. But when I accepted that, I really did gain everything in the world- wisdom, love, peace, truth, power, rest, a supernatural change that compelled me to give up everything I held onto; everything that yielded death and false security.

Blessed is the man who finds wisdom,
the man who gains understanding,

14 for she is more profitable than silver
and yields better returns than gold.

15 She is more precious than rubies;
nothing you desire can compare with her.

16 Long life is in her right hand;
in her left hand are riches and honor.

17 Her ways are pleasant ways,
and all her paths are peace.

18 She is a tree of life to those who embrace her;
those who lay hold of her will be blessed.

19 By wisdom the LORD laid the earth’s foundations,
by understanding he set the heavens in place;

20 by his knowledge the deeps were divided,
and the clouds let drop the dew.

proverbs 3

Selling Vegan In Our Fast Food Age

First off- THANK YOU ALL who commented on my blog entry. I really had no idea people, strangers, in fact, could find my blog. But now, I know there are people listening to my rampant thoughts!

A few days ago, I followed my vegan catering friends, Isabel and Stephanie (Vegan Venom Baking and Vegan Goodies Cater Co.) into the alleys of LA, specifically The Smells. I believe it is a non-profit venue? Someone confirm that with me. Kimya Dawson, the amazing singer of Juno soundtrack, was the key performer. HOLLA was I excited. That day I had a 3 pm class at FIDM. I rode the bus, accidentally leaving my whole school notebook, syllabus, and folder. Talk about being absent- minded. Then I walk into my class and wonder why people are so comfy. I tap this girl’s shoulder, “is this the first day of this class?”. She looks at me ridiculously, “no, it’s the 2nd week of school”. Oh.

In that case.

My face grew hot with embarrassment. Now mind you, I don’t get embarrassed easily, at ALL.

Moving on with The Smells. A self- created video and pictures below to amuse you:

1. A tour of the place plus great Dawson music: I’m working on uploading videos more and more.

2. My Vegan friends (I actually like meat, not vegan myself) and their food table:

3. Hello talk about political art and the expression of thoughts: LOVE IT!

4. Cds and records to blow your mind:

5. We’re All Nuts: It’s quite true.

6. Creatures of the night, right next to the bathrooms.

7. My favorite subject- the bathroom

8. Taco Dance: at the end, people were leaving and we wanted to make sure people stayed for our taco/horchata combo special. I drew this AWESOME picture and hooked it onto some random hook on the wall. Then we created a taco dance to make sure people stop in their tracks.

9. Last of all: The great Kimya Dawson standing next to ME!! OH MY DEER! I love your lyrics and songs if you ever read this Kimya.

Don’t forget to a fan “vegan venom baking” and “Vegan Cater Co.” on facebook!

I will be blogging about kids clothes next time. I’m addicted to the colors, cuteness, and the awesome designs you can create for kids.