A picture from the photo shoot in April from Solace Arts.

Link For Facebook Album: Fashion Show Pictures

TONIGHT WAS SO OOFFFF THE HOOK.  Seriously, I realize that success, to me- is enjoying life, enjoying what  you love to do and enjoying with your loved ones.  Because without all my friends and family, that were there with me through the tough times of life (and happy times), life wouldn’t be what it is to me now.  LIFE is so amazing, I seriously thank God.  More than the success of making it big or making money, I am SO WEALTHY IN LOVE.  I AM SO WEALTHY to have loved ones, to have supporters rooting for me every step of the way.  Thinking about it makes me cry.  If I was to be a famous designer and have no one to cry and laugh with- what am I but a poor person?  Yes, I am so wealthy.

Thank you all for making tonight what it was.  Sometimes I wish the euphoria can last forever, in my mind, I think that’s what heaven will be like.  Lots of dancing, wooting, laughing, rejoicing….of course minus the heat and sweating (dang was it hot tonight).  Nope, no clouds and angels and harp, but off the hook music, raving and partaying!   And just lots of love.

Thank you all friends and family, models, designers, and staffers 🙂  Tonight I will sleep soundly praying for ya’ll to have joy forever.  Lots of pictures to come- I will probably upload them on Facebook first!

As I was driving home one night, I heard this song on the radio.  For some reason, it really spoke to me.  Airports are a common theme, thing in my life.  I have experienced much pain and happiness in airports.  Goodbyes and hellos.  These are my memories.  But once I get on the plane, I am hyped for the next stage in my life…often, I have a period of mourning after realization hits.  But more than anything, I like this song because I am often looking for adventure and in the stage of looking for adventure, I leave.  So why the heck do I do that?  I don’t know, somehow the pain makes me realize how much I have been loved and love others.  That is good right?  More than anything, I know God is always waiting as we find ourselves.  He is waiting, faithfully, as my heart wanders to the lesser things of life.  Alas!  Fashion SHOW TODAY!

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you’re becoming someone else
Don’t recognize the face in the mirror
Looking back at you

You say you’re leavin
As you look away
I know theres really nothin left to say
Just know i’m here
Whenever you need me
I’ll wait for you

So i’ll let you go
I’ll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

Take your time i wont go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I’ll keep your things right where you left them
I’ll be here for you

Oh and i’ll let you go
I’ll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I’ll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can’t get close if your not there
I can’t get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can’t fix you i can’t save you
Its something you have to do

The capacity to love, to feel hurt.

Driving past palm trees, swaying, underneath seeming happy sun.

I get so weak.  I get so overwhelmed, silent in my thoughts.  I get swallowed by pain, suffering, staring out, staring out silently.

Wondering, do you think about such things?

Or am I the only one…besides the superficial, skimming the surface, is there anyone out there, is there anyone?  Is there anyone pondering the deep suffering of life.  or do we go about each day, living clueless and pointless lives.  Life unexamined.  Am I the only one?

She said “mucho kalio”, very hot.  I smiled.  She had wrinkles all over her face, but a resilient and calm smile.  I repeated it back.  She is precious in God’s eyes.

He said “everyone judge me…they see my tatoos and walk away”.  Tatoos crawling up his arm, to his neck, all the way to his shaved head.  Maybe they can see sorrow in my eyes.  I see yours.  You have a kid, you are a single father, still going to school, you are trying hard to make a better living.  You just want to be accepted.  God accepts you.

She is a teacher, she lives alone here in LA.  Everytime I see her, she has two full bags of stuff.  She told me, “you look different…more mature”.  I said, “I look old?”  “No, no…like something inside is shining out”.  It is Christ in me.

I’m so sick and tired of fake living.  Someone come and agree with me- life is more than making it, making it by.  I hate surface living, someone agree?

Escaping, running and thinking to myself.  Playing music.  My mouth is shut, sewed shut.  Silence won’t do.  It won’t.  I’m screaming inside.  Someone agree with me… and maybe then I can tear this seam apart.  Does anyone feel the same?