Now that I have 21, what then.

There’s so many options ahead, my head is spinning.  I keep running forth, running here and there, not knowing.  I keep knocking down doors, breaking them, landing some nice splinters in my fingers, my legs are sore, I keep running.  I know what I am, who I am, what I’m made of.  I know the passions God has put in my heart, me- I am unique.  I know I have talents and skills God wants me to use, but where do I go next?

I am filled with doubts, fears, and what will they thinks.  I know I don’t care, I won’t care in the end what anyone thinks.  I will charge forth, a lion let out.   I am not one to follow, I have been whipped for my rebellious manner.  I know God humbles me at those times.  Yet, I am one to lead, I know it deep down in my heart.  But all this time, I have let myself sit back and relaxe.  I lead when handed to me, maybe later, later.

Later when they feel so convicted to hand me this precious thing they cling onto- this thing called leadership.  I don’t mind a bit, it’s more relaxing anyway, sitting here in my chair, just getting to know people…eating, drinking, laughing, crying a bit when the time calls for…when those around me needs a hug, a tear of empathy, yes that’s what I was made for.

Otherwise, I have reached midlife crisis.  I know all will be well, like those trillion of times I cried out with doubt.  God affirms, leads, comforts.  I’m good to go, with a kewpie in one hand and my journal in the other- I charge forth like a soldier.   Hey mama, don’t cry.  She never cries or lets me see them tears.  Let music play in my ears, for these qualms are heavy stones on my heart.  I was never made for this,  I was made for joy.

Chelsea & I. 🙂  By the way, post about my Fashion Show February 7th coming soon!!!

* What do you love to do? (hobbies, activities, etc.)

Reading, playing music, singing, designing, drawing, researching, writing, thinking of ideas spontaneously, being in charge, dancing, managing…etc.

* What books do you browse through in bookstores?

I go through the Business section (entrepreneurial/ marketing/ business startup books), Religion section (Missionaries, Cultures), Art section (fashion, graphic, toys), and finally Sociology as well as Historical/ Social Books on Japan, China, and Taiwan.  Also I like to read about Pop Culture and Social Dis functionalities.

* Which are your favorite courses?

Right now, I would have to say Marketing.

* If you won the lottery, which causes/issues would you give money to?

Mission agencies in Japan and Artistic non- profit agencies.

* If you were a reporter, what kind of stories would you like to write?

The influx of Japanese- inspired toys.  Spiritual Matters.  Fashion Designers and What They Are Really Like.  Why The Lady Decided to Microwave Her Dog.  Young People of This Generation…How They Are Changing the World.

* What are your favorite objects?

MY AWESOME KEWPIE DOLL!

* What sorts of information do you find most fascinating?

Almost everything I find fascinating.  I like reading about why mold grows, allergy, artists’ life, how people start businesses, why things work, why people think the things they do, my kewpie doll, musicians and artists, social dis functionalities again.  Somehow I like to dig at the root of social problems and find the “why” and “how”.

* Who are your heroes?

Jesus, Picasso, and all them entrepreneurs out there.

* What did you dream of being when you were 10?

Business woman, having my own shop or business.

Results of the Holland Type Personality- ASE (artistic, social, enterprising)

Work Environment– unstructured, allows non- conformity, allows originality, rewards creativity.

Sample Occupations– writers/ editors, designers, musical directors, art teacher.

I also stumbled upon a website to help creative minded super stars 🙂  I hope to spur young creatives on towards their calling and dreams, it will not be an easy path folks.  But hang on tight because I’m on the same path- you’re not alone.

http://www.creativecareers.com/

As I turn 21 on Wednesday, I opt for complete transparency.  Not that I am hitting mid- life crisis or going through some kind of schizo phase.

What I mean by that is that I would like to share a very personal story that makes me who I am today, and continues to transform me.  I pray that the Lord will open your eyes.

As I turn one year older, I am convinced that I have nothing to lose.  I have already gained the one thing that has absolutely and completely changed my life.  There is nothing else I want from this world.  There is nothing else to live for but this person.  There is no more grasping in the air, trying to find fulfillment in anything or anyone else.  I have already found truth, I have already found what I am to live for for the rest of my life.

….are you possibly wondering and longing for the same?  I hope that you are searching daily, you may be searching and not even know it.  You may be up and down each day, lost in your emotions, in your depression, in emptiness.

I was once like that.  I have been through mountains in my life, I’m guessing you’re the same.  Who doesn’t go through valleys?  Who doesn’t feel like the world doesn’t care at some point in their life?  I got so lost, to the point I felt that I wanted to run away, end my life even.  What was the point, life was utter darkness.  What is the point of living, earning a living, then dying.  There is absolutely no point, I thought.

Jesus Christ, however, came into my life.  Not a vague person in a book or a passing on of knowledge or even some religious freaky way.  I had learned about how He loved me so much that He gave His one and only Son, that if I believed in Him I would not go to the dark place of hell but have eternal life.

In short, I could be forgiven of all the crap in my life, all the evil desires of my heart and the actions that had sadened many people in my life.  I could have complete security in the unwavering God that loves me to the point of humbling Himself for me.  I was utterly touched to the point of tears.

People think I’m so cool, so unique.  I probably wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for Jesus.  I’d probably still be trying to find that one thing that satisfies me.  No, I don’t live like that anymore.  I live in COMPLETE freedom.  I live in freedom to know truth, to completely accept myself as God has made me, to live in freedom to dance, to laugh, to paint, to smile, to cry, to love.  No more hindrances because I’ve found the reason for living.

There are so many instabilities in life.  It has been 8 years since my life turned 180.  There’s no more point in hiding this amazing God I’ve kept for too long to myself.   I can say that  the reason I may be so “unique” to you is that I have encountered God and fully embraced the identity He’s given me….causing me to live and grow with freedom daily.

I hope the same for you.